grimoireofkenji: (Default)
 The sun sank low behind the skyscrapers lining up and down the streets of the Archmage Road. Only the most expensive and luxurious office buildings, glass reflecting the dying orange light of the sunset, were allowed to grace the well-lit avenue. Streetlights hooked up to magical arrays flickered to life consecutively, as if someone were flipping switches on one-by-one.

Except for one small, two-story brownstone with a raggedy awning and sign.


Situated between Spherico’s Orbs’ main HQ and the Hobgoblin Media offices was a building that appeared to be completely forgotten by time. Modern buildings, constructed by powerful magic and the labor of dozens of likely underpaid laborers, dwarfed the Detective Offices of Jones and Hawthorne, like the last vestiges of a local plant trying to survive amongst the invasive species that had blown in with the wind.


As exhausted-looking office workers and executives in overpriced suits with even more expensive staves filed out of the buildings on either side like ants on the march, a phone rang within the faded brown brick walls of the edifice in the middle of it all.


A tired looking half-elf with neatly styled salt-and-pepper hair and a typical handsome-man five o’clock shadow moved his squeaky desk chair across the room to the phone, which was placed next to the door to his office.


“I swear I told the secretary to move this phone to her desk.” He muttered to himself, mildly frustrated.


“I heard that!” a disgruntled reply came from the other side of the wooden door. “I can’t reach it, you moron.”


“Levitate it or something?” the Half-Elf shot back in between loud, obtrusive rings. He picked up the aged land-line, covered in a thin layer of dust and seemingly perfectly matching everything else in the building. Placing it to his elongated but rounded ears, he sighed before putting on a rehearsed gruff voice. He actually took pride in his ability to sound like a private detective of many more years than he actually had. It lent a certain professionalism, given his particular field.


“Yes? Jones and Hawthorne.” He spoke confidently, altering his voice with a little world-weary energy.


“Which one are you?” The voice on the other end replied, sounding genuinely curious.


“Is this a joke?”


“Far from it, sir. I saw a posting for your offices online and thought I’d give you guys a call.” The voice went from curious to a bit excitable realizing that someone was actually there and it wasn’t a prank line. “I didn’t think anyone actually still ran detective agencies.”


“Yes, well, I didn’t think anyone still called landlines.” The half-elf responded curtly. “And just so we’re clear, I’m Hawthorne. Anarion Hawthorne.”


“Ah, Hawthorne, perfect. I chose a landline precisely because nobody expects them. I’m glad your partner is so old-fashioned.”


Hawthorne let out a loud sigh. “Was old-fashioned.”


“Ah, I see. My condolences.”


“Look. I’m open until nine, so if you’re really worried about the means of communication, just come down to the office.” Hawthorne brushed his hair back, a fairly obvious scar running from his forehead to the bridge of his nose.


“I’ll send someone post-haste. It’s of the utmost importance. I might even teleport them to your office myself!”


“If you can teleport them, can’t you just come here your-” He was interrupted by a click. Hawthorne slammed the landline down. Just the idea that there were people who didn’t know what happened to Jones seemed to irk him, even a year later.


The tired private detective gazed around his office, quickly realizing it wasn’t really presentable to anyone, let alone a client with the ability to use spatial magic within the limits of the strictly monitored Bay City.


Wizards and casters with a Class-T license were usually big business executives, politicians, or police officers. Whoever it was, the job was sure to pay well. Anarion Hawthorne, for the first time in months, felt a tinge of excitement. A murder case the cops wouldn’t pay attention to? Corporate espionage? The possibilities ran through his head as he continued tidying his office. Lifting up overturned pictures and making a halfhearted attempt to wipe dust off of the desks and surfaces lining every single wall of the room, something he had done at the advice of Jones, of course. Something about “leaving no blank walls for people to plant devices.” Even he had to admit it had a comfortable feeling about it. Hawthorne nonchalantly ripped open a small pouch with a worn label that read something like “Plant Food (But Good)” and poured it into the soil of a dying fern he had gotten as a gift from the daughter of a client. It sprung to life as if it were defibrillated suddenly.


A low-budget computer sat on his desk in the center-back of the office, facing a line of horizontal windows with the blinds closed. The rising moon and fading sun battled for dominance in the sky through the barely visible shades., resulting in a rare occurrence known as a “Faerie’s Moon.” 


The receptionist, Longclaw, had always kept track of the moon phases, so she had actually been excited as Hawthorne walked in that morning, his exhausted demeanor completely fading against the indomitable will of a woman preparing to enjoy her hobbies. He didn’t even try to say anything negative like he had become accustomed to doing. Seeing a kobold so excited about something so… esoteric was odd to him, but every month or so, she spent about an hour in his office, perched on the adjustable stool on the other side of his desk, explaining the magical meaning behind each phase, something which technically meant absolutely nothing to Longclaw, who was born without the capability to channel mana, and Anarion, a magic school dropout.


Hawthorne eyed the clock hanging on the wall above the office door. It was a peculiar one, in the shape of an imp, every hand on the clock was a consecutively small pitchfork, like you’d see on a little demon in a classic serial. Despite the fact that pitchforks, being three-pointed, didn’t exactly make good clock hands, he had learned to tell time on it quite efficiently. 7:34 PM. Hawthorne slumped back in his chair, satisfied with the half-assed cleaning job. Surely whoever was arriving with such important business wouldn’t care that much about the state of his office. 


The fairy security system warding the windows and other entrances of the two-floor building started to pipe up a call of warning, then stopped suddenly. The fairy perched on Longclaw’s desk actually seemed confused when she had stopped mid-chirp. The green-scaled kobold hopped off her office chair in a manner similar to a child climbing off of a high surface, and adjusted her rather ornate dress, looking around the lobby confusedly. Hawthorne, having heard a sudden high-pitched noise stop without warning, was up and at the entrance of his office, peering through the door. The low-lit lobby seemed as mundane as ever. 


“Ah, Rio?” Miss Longclaw pointed a sharpened finger behind Anarion, casually using the childhood nickname of a man who was supposed to be her boss. The glint of steel bounced off the glass window of the office door as the Half-Elf threw himself backwards through the door and toward his desk. He muttered the incantation for a Spell of Grasping and threw open the drawer as the figure in the back corner of his office lunged toward him. In an instant, Hawthorne pointed his revolver at the figure, who stopped in their tracks.


“Freeze!” He yelled at the silhouette. In response, The figure snapped both of their fingers at once and the shadows surrounding them started to swallow them up. Hawthorne closed one eye and fired the revolver, chambered in 22. LR. The bullet bounced off the only thing he could make out the details of. Before the figure disappeared completely Hawthorne heard an “ouch, SHIT!” the clanging of metal to the cheap hardwood floor, and the whizzing of a bullet past his own ears and out the window, which promptly crumbled to sparkling dust in the moonlight. Longclaw ran inside as the knife clattered to the floor, nearly sprinting inside on all fours, as Kobolds in a rush usually do. 


“What in blue blazes, Rio!?” She seemed genuinely worried. Hawthorne holstered his revolver and walked over to the center of the room, gazing backward at the remainder of the window the bullet left behind. It wasn’t much.


“Ah, uh… I got attacked.” Anarion replied, regaining his composure. 


“I can see that. Would you mind telling me why you fired your bloody pistol inside the office?” Miss Longclaw didn’t seem very impressed. She had gone into a small closet in the corner of the office and grabbed a broom and dustpan, waddling over to the window frame.


“He was going to charge at me. I made a judgement call.” Hawthorne knelt down with a gloved hand to pick up the sliver of metal off the ground from in front of his desk. It appeared to be a jagged, handmade knife with some kind of enchantment. It vibrated as he took the hilt in his gloved hand.


“This was goblin-made.” He said out loud.


“I thought they didn’t do magic, much.” Longclaw replied, calmly sweeping up glass dust into the dustpan, which was almost her height.


“Well, one teleported into the damn office, Longclaw.”


“You’re the one who cheaped out on fairy wards.”


“It was a cost-saving measure!”


“So you could spend more on hair products, no doubt.” 


“That doesn’t come out of the office budget, and you know it.”


Before their bickering could escalate any further, a sound resembling a whipcrack echoed through the office and escaped through the open window, shaking the damaged blinds with a small shockwave.


In the center of Anarion Hawthorne’s office stood a man wearing a classic wizard’s hat with a well-groomed and close-cropped white beard.


“Oh, Goddess.” Longclaw muttered quietly. 


Hawthorne switched to his gruff detective demeanor at the instant the two men’s eyes made contact.


“Ahem. And to who do I owe the pleasure? I can guess you ain’t here to try and stab me like the last guy.”


“Having trouble, detective?” The wizard seemed rather judgemental of the whole scene, cold gray eyes occasionally focusing on Longclaw, who was doing her best to avoid his gaze. Anarion was sure he was the type who’d never hire a kobold for anything, let alone let one into his office. He ignored the prejudgement and did his best to get right to business.


You’re the liaison?” He spoke up. The man seemed wise beyond his years, but with a certain arrogance that better befit a man half his age, someone who seemed to have his whole life ahead of him and was fully knowledgeable of it. Anarion half expected the wizard to lift one leg and climb over the chair on the other side of his desk to sit down at it.


But the wizard did no such thing. He just stood there, eyeballing the baubles and certificates lining the walls of the office, his healthy-looking long white hair billowing out of a comically pointed blue hat, and certainly not matching with his black suit. Anarion assumed those hats were mostly worn as a matter of ceremony nowadays.


“Apologies for my master’s… haste earlier.” The wizard replied, after seemingly taking in the vibe of the office for some time. The moonlight caught Miss Longclaw’s scales as they did so often, and she gazed distractedly out the window at the Faerie’s Moon, Which let out a pale pink glow, almost unnoticeable unless you stared at it for a long time. A gentle smile crossed her face, her snout crinkling slightly. The wizard grimaced at the display, to which Anarion loudly put his hands on the oak desk. Longclaw remained transfixed by the moon, but the Wizard seemed taken aback. It appeared the message was received just fine.


“I would ask what’s happened to your office window, but whoever was here last left enough magical traces to recast the spell thricefold.” The wizard said knowingly. “And by the looks of it, not very well.”


“Yeah, I was attacked a few moments before you popped in. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about it, would you?” Hawthorne asked, a hint of venom in his voice. Insulting the wizard by even insinuating he was associated with such low-class magic was sure to sting.


And sting it did.


“You’re lucky we need you for a job. I wouldn’t set foot in any place so “quaint” otherwise.” The Wizard physically turned up his nose and he pulled his cellphone from the pockets on his pricy-looking suit. 


“A wizard as old and wise as you talking like a stuck-up butler isn’t really fitting.” Anarion replied.


Ignoring the remark, the aged sorcerer browsed his phone for a moment, before uttering an incantation. It seemed to cause an image to be projected into the room.


“Goblin Druid. Most likely the person who appeared in your room was not the caster, and given that the spell was written so carelessly, they’re probably lost in cross-space now.” The wizard put his phone away. “I can’t imagine why someone as distinguished as you is in some sort of blood feud with the Goblins, nor why they’d forgo simply shelling your offices as they are so often want to do.” He sneered a little at the thought.


“Huh. Didn’t think you’d really answer me.”


“Can we talk about the pressing matters now, Mister Hawthorne?”


“Surely. Mind introducing yourself first, though?” The energy in the room had lessened in intensity since the wizard had given in to the detective’s request, making it clear that he was in fact, there to do proper business.


“My name is Glarewell Knight. I’m a personal Archmage of the Mayor.”


34th Precinct, Downtown Bay City, 7:54PM


Eileen Littlewing sat in the office of her chief, a large, husky Baketanuki. The older man looked the very definition of a police chief, down to the dark, well-groomed mustache that seemed more like the end of a broom than facial hair. The Monoeye gazed around the office nervously. It was the first time he had called her in the office for any reason other than to immediately praise her, and her small bat wings fluttered in trepidation.


“There’s no need to be nervous, Littlewing.” The Chief said to her, doing his best to look reassuring. Given that his office was not only lined with extremely clean and clear windows, but in the center of the main floor of the precinct, occasionally, one of the other cops would gaze through to try and see what was happening.


But nothing was happening. He was just staring at her. Her big orange eye did everything it could to avoid locking with his. He had big, visible bags underneath them, most likely having to do with dealing with the remnants of his special units causing messes all around the city.


“I…is this about the slime mafia? I’m really sorry.” Eileen seemed genuinely worried. She brushed her scarlet, bobbed hair to the side slightly, putting her hat on carefully so the holes where her horns fit in perfectly. The display of respect for her uniform, more akin to a child putting on a costume they were really proud of than a distinguished officer, caused the demeanor of the tanuki to soften instantly.


“No, ya ain’t in trouble for that, Littlewing. Matter of fact, it was a bang-up job. I should give McCoy a raise for even keeping ya around.” A small smile crossed his face. “Speaking of which, where is that good-fer-nothin’?”


As he said this, Sergeant Gretchen McCoy strode into the office, carelessly slamming the door behind her. A framed picture standing up on the Chief’s desk fell over.


“What is this, Chief Poco?” The fiery redhead didn’t even give the other two in the room a moment to take in her attitude. It was clear she wasn’t happy.”


“You wanna lend out my point man-”


“Point girl, Sarge.” Eileen interrupted.


“Hush, rookie.” McCoy replied.


“You wanna lend out my point man to some half-rate detective who works for what… the Mayor?” Gretchen, despite being several feet shorter than the chief, and about the same height standing as he was sitting, looked rather intimidating. It took everything Eileen had when she was mad like this to even butt in with a correction.


Chief Poco looked furious. “Yer damn right I do! She’s our star officer!”


“She’s a good look for PR, you mean.”


“If I didn’t think she could do it, I wouldn’t suggest it.” Poco replied.


Eileen perked up at the declaration. Her hard work in the Gryphon unit had finally begun to pay off. She stared dutifully at the Chief, already having made up her mind. Gretchen, who was so focused on arguing with Poco, hadn’t noticed.


“To be completely honest, you’re lucky I didn’t suspend the whole bunch of you after that raid on the Slime Mafia tower. Balabanov’s explosions alone cost the city twenty-thousand bucks.”


Gretchen took a drag from a cigarette neither Eileen nor the Chief had seen her walk in with, exhaling the smoke from her nose like a dragon. “I don’t think you realize how much worse it would’ve been if you had sent fuckin’ Chimera or something in there. Do you really think they woulda figured out that the slimes lost their form when exposed to electric charges?”


“Yes, I do think they would’ve! Do you know why? Because it’s basic elemental magic, McCoy!”


“I don’t know any magic, chief. The rest of my unit doesn’t use magic.” Gretchen kind of side-eyed her cyclopian rookie at this remark, a slight red flushed across Eileen’s cheeks in response. “S-sorry…”


“Don’t apologize, Littlewing!” Poco looked at Eileen as if he had just yelled at a small child. “Without your eye, I doubt they’d have been able to negate all that damage. Detonating an A-class Magical Explosive without proper clearance at the top of a fuckin tower!”


“And? It got the job done, didn’t it?”


“You’re so lucky it was the first time you’ve done this.”


“It won’t be the last if you keep sending Chimera ahead of us.” Gretchen put her cigarette between her lips and leaned on the desk with both hands, the badge around her neck bouncing against her chest. “You want a clean job? Don’t send us to clean up their goddamn mess.”


It took Chief Poco a moment to come up with a response. He closed his eyes and cleared his throat with his curled fist to his mouth. “One day, McCoy. You’ll be chief. You’ll be dealing with a bunch of Sergeants just like you. We’ll see how that goes.”


“I fuckin hope so! Because Sergeants like me make sure their rookies don’t go gallivanting with dumbfuck private dicks!”


“You wanna take this up with the Mayor? Because you’re doing a whole lot of bitching and moaning. Perhaps you’d like to schedule a meeting to find out why they requested Littlewing specifically.”


“Well, I can assume why.”


“I… Sarge?” Eileen spoke quietly, attempting to get a word in edgewise amongst the tense conversation.


“Hmm?” Gretchen seemed to soften up as she turned towards the monoeye. Eileen seemed to have that effect on people.


“I’m uh… the only cop in the 34th precinct without a write-up.” Eileen replied with a hint of hesitation. “The Mayor wouldn’t request you guys.”


“Huh. No shit. The whole 34th?”


“Yeah. Either way, I was already determined to take the assignment. It isn’t like we’ve much to do after the Slime Tower.” Eileen looked up at her superiors.


“Alright, well,” Gretchen began, exhaling nicotine breath directly at Eileen, who wiggled her nose in discomfort, “You’ll at least let me meet this detective, right?”


“No! I mean… er, I can handle it myself. I’ll call HQ if I need anything, okay?” The loud clock in the Chief’s office ticked for a few moments, and the passers-by that had started gathering around the windows seemed confused. The uproar had completely died down. 


“Littlewing. Just so we’re clear, this is a plainclothes operation. Independent detectives don’t wear uniforms.” Chief Poco said.


“Oh! You mean they don’t wear those long, worn trenchcoats and smoke cigarettes and-”


“No, I mean… Some do? I’m not sure, honestly.” The Chief seemed to have lost the plot, trying to cut off Eileen before the objective was completely gone to the four winds. Eileen’s bat wings fluttered in excitement. She, being on a squad made primarily for raids and riot control, had not ever encountered a detective employed by the department, let alone a private detective.


“So, this case! It can’t be that serious, right?” Gretchen inquired, raising an eyebrow. Chief Poco’s fluffy tail swept across the floor behind his rolling chair a little, and he put both palms on the desk before exhaling.


“The Mayor’s daughter has been kidnapped.”


“That brat that got caught going on an Automaton Joyride? Probably just ran away again.” Gretchen replied dismissively.


“Ah! Sarge, it’s still serious!” Eileen looked shocked. "It's serious enough that the mayor doesn't want anyone else to know!"


"Or, and hear me out here." Sergeant McCoy began, "your daughter getting kidnapped would really harm your election chances."


"There's no way that's true! Nobody could be that uncaring… right, chief?" Eileen turned to look at Chief Poco with an expression akin to one a small animal would give if you held its favorite toy out of reach, but it was sure you'd give it back.


The Chief couldn't respond. Nothing he could say would be appropriate. He didn't want to imagine the diminutive rookie slinking dejected out of his office, and he didn't want to set her up for disappointment later.


"Look, you've got to meet your liaison soon, hurry along." Poco replied dismissively. His voice sounded hesitant, though.


"Can I tell Ramona or Penny where I'm going?" 


"Urgh… sure. But not too many details. I know how Officer Tyrannus likes to gossip."


"And if ya keep it real quiet, I might even give you Lou's phone number~" Gretchen followed up, in a taunting sort of voice.


Eileen's cheeks flushed bright red and she shot up from her chair.


“I’ll be on my way, then!” She nearly yelped.


“Civilian clothes, Littlewing!” Gretchen shouted as she sped out the small office.

The air outside was cool and breezy. Perfectly fitting for a mid-autumn evening. Eileen passed by businesses specifically catering to Nightfolk with a grin on her face that she didn’t even bother trying to hide. She adjusted the shoulder holster she kept under her jacket, unused to the feeling as she was, and tried her best to straighten herself out as she passed under neon signs for 24-7 bodegas and one particular magic supply shop that was run by a Druid who worked night shift his whole life and was unable to fix his sleep schedule without serious arcane adjustment.


She knew the neighborhood of the Archmage Road like the back of her hand. 


Up until she got to the Business District. The imposing look of the glass buildings standing among an overpriced-looking wizard’s tower at the end of the street, standing above the fancy-looking modern constructions like a king made of concrete and enchanted obsidian gazing upon his rows of subjects. 


Walking amongst the likes of self-important business wizards and strangely well-kept druids who would normally steer clear while she was in uniform, Eileen felt strangely out-of-place. She didn't have much of a reason to visit this district outside of her job, so seeing people float by on various contraptions, start up their cars or shove past her roughly as if they had somewhere to go after work was quite an odd feeling. She'd half a mind to speak up and voice her indignation, but she knew quite well that without her badge, she sort of just looked like a teenager getting angry at some guy leaving work. The monoeye sighed and adjusted her oversized bomber jacket, taking care to avoid a grate on the sidewalk, slowly expelling steam straight into the air. 


She could see her destination towards the end of the block. A gap of space between the Spherico's Orbs building and the news offices they used to record all those terrible current events podcasts. Eileen shuddered as she recalled a time Gryphon 05 was called to protect the Hobgoblin Media offices from a crowd of angry witches. The "news channel" published a series of hit pieces about the district's coven leader, Gladys Grant, complete with spurious sources that fell apart under any scrutiny. She'd never smelled so much expensive, tacky perfume gathered in one place.


Passing by the news station and shoving past a male Kitsune and another Beastkin who looked like they had both been stood up, the rookie cop approached the two floor brick-and-mortar affair. The pink moon shone overhead, bathing the detective offices in a gentle glow. Up above on the second floor, the monoeye could see a smashed window. Eileen, despite presumably knowing exactly what she was walking towards, felt her hand creep towards the revolver on her waist. Two figures stood idle by the doorway, sharing a smoke. One, from what Eileen could tell, was wearing something pointy on his head. The other was tall. Elf? Just a large human? The Chief had told her she only had one partner for this case. 


Finally, Eileen psyched herself up, exhaled deeply, and walked towards the door, wings fluttering in anticipation. It was a sketchy sight, to be sure. Maybe her partner had already been attacked!


Eileen grabbed the handle to the doors of the Detective Offices of Jones and Hawthorne and pulled it open quickly, strolling right into the lobby. Directly in front of her were a wizard in an expensive-looking silken robe and pricy dress shoes underneath. To his right was Half-Elf with a rather handsome shape to his face, 5 o clock shadow like something she'd see in a poorly-aged detective serial, and neatly styled hair. She could immediately tell he put most of his care into that, as beneath his eyes were thick bags emblematic of a dedicated detective, or at least one with poor sleeping habits.


Suddenly, the Monoeye felt a tad excited.


"And just who are you supposed to be?" The Half-Elf asked, taking a drag from his cigarette.


"Officer Eileen Littlewing, sir! I assume you're Private Detective Anarion Hawthorne?" Eileen fought her nervous energy, forcing a proper response to the surface without stuttering. 


Yeah, that's me." Anarion Hawthorne replied, caused Eileen’s wings to flutter once again. "You're the cop they're sending me?" 


Eileen nodded. Hawthorne looked to the Archmage Glarewell Knight, puzzled expression crossing his face. Eileen recognized it immediately. 


"You're underestimating me, then?" She said, a bit of venom in her normally excitable tone.


"Ah, well… I just wasn't expecting someone so…" Hawthorne began.


"Green?" Eileen finished his sentence. For a moment, the silence in the lobby of the building was palpable. One of those loud clocks nobody used anymore was tick-ticking away behind them. The man in the wizard hat cleared his throat loudly as Eileen eyeballed the detective. He couldn't return her gaze. He couldn't tell if she was about to attack him or start crying.


"Hawthorne, this is Officer Littlewing. She'll be your partner for this operation. I believe in time you'll see she's uniquely suited for it, given the circumstances." His normal condescending tone was replaced by one completely devoid of emotion.


"Why's that? Is she gonna give our leads the puppy-dog stare?"


Eileen didn't respond for a moment. Hawthorne looked worried, wondering if perhaps he had actually made her cry.


Then, the monoeye turned away from him.


"You're just like the stories." She muttered. 


"Eh?"


"Ah, well in all those hard-boiled detective stories, the main character is usually a good-for-nothing jerk for no reason!" She remarked, smiling at him. It was a genuine smile, but her oddly-structured observation hit its mark, and she knew it. Anarion Hawthorne dropped his guarded posture, crossed arms falling to their sides. Glarewell Knight, the Mayor's personal Archmage, snickered loudly.


"Ya got me, half-pint. I'll play nice, alright? Just don't get in my way. This investigation-"


"Is a joint operation, Mister Hawthorne! I'm not your sidekick. In a lot of ways, I figure I'm even more capable than you!"


"How do you figure?" The half-elf shot back, bending over to even out the height difference between the pair. 


"For one thing, I've noticed you haven't cast any wards on your place of business. In your line of work, I'd imagine that's quite hazardous!" Eileen began pacing about the lobby, her eye moving from corner to corner as if creating a list of issues to spout off.


"I've got pixies on all the windows…"


"Not good enough! And another thing!"


"What, gonna point out the clock is an hour ahead, too?"


"No! It's actually-"


"Or maybe it's about the rickety banister!"


Glarewell Knight took a step back. Eileen placed her hand at her holster. 


Anarion Hawthorne, despite his fantastic intuition and a general good sense for crime solving, lacked one thing that the seasoned wizard and the rookie officer both had in spades.


"You can't detect magic, can you?" Knight proclaimed Eileen’s observation out loud.


"I can! It's just not as strong. Why?" Hawthorne looked confused.


"Step to the left, please!" Eileen said, expectantly. Hawthorne complied and, almost as if waiting for this moment, a small portal opened and a Goblin stumbled through like they had entered at a full speed run. Anarion stuck out his leg and the discombobulated cultist tripped over his worn brown chelsea boots and went careening into a wall of exposed brickwork, smashing a row of embedded mailboxes and sending several letters flying as he lay in a heap at the wall. Somewhere in the jumble of letters, Eileen heard something metallic clang to the floor. 


"Again!?" Hawthorne seemed more upset about the mess than the thwarted attack.


"How did that goblin bypass the spacetime magic restriction? Does he have a license?" Eileen asked, genuinely confused.


"I doubt it, Miss Littlewing." Glarewell Knight stroked his beard. "It seems that whoever it is, they're using some kind of ritual magic."


"Well, they're under arrest regardless!" Eileen impatiently walked over to the dazed goblin with her handcuffs opened.


Anarion Hawthorne looked to the archmage, expectantly. 


"We're not covering the cost of this repair. It seems to be a personal issue between you and this gang of Goblin shaman, after all." Knight declared. 


"Half the pay for this job is already spent, damnit!" Hawthorne looked frustrated.


"Well, I'd suggest you get a move on. Maybe next time a cultist spawns, it'll be in someone else's lobby."


Before the detective could think of a witty comeback, Eileen spoke up, a cuffed Goblin about her height struggling in her grasp, several yellow letters in the other hand. "You missed a couple of court dates, too!"











grimoireofkenji: dutiful monoeye police girl! (Eileen)
 

The metro rumbled loudly as it exited the tunnel. The sudden change in elevation as the train ascended into the sinking orange daylight, causing a few of the folks who were previously peering out of the windows at seemingly nothing to shift backward a few feet. A Kobold fell off the seat at the shock of the bright orange dusk. 


“You’re always bragging about your vision, moron! See where it gets you!” A haughty Wood Elf laughed at their friend’s sudden tumble, her pale ears wiggling slightly and shifting the brunette hair around them as she did. 


“I-it was just the train going over a bump!” The red-scaled, diminutive lizard responded, picking themselves up off the floor of the relatively empty traincar and brushing off their clothes. “And besides, I have incredible vision in the dark! I’m not really great with bright lights…”


Both of them stopped upon hearing a light, friendly chuckle from across the traincar. It appeared their on-the-spot comedy routine managed to reach someone. On a small seat towards the door connecting to the next car sat a blonde-haired dragonkin, who, upon realizing the pair were staring at her inquisitively, covered her mouth in embarrassment, immediately stifling the laughter.


“Oh! Don’t mind me! I was just listening to something funny.” The tip of her tail shook back and forth frantically like a rattlesnake as she replied quickly, pulling out her earbuds and showing them to the duo, doing her best to clutch them between her scaly fingers. She wasn’t sure if either could tell, but there wasn’t anything playing. The Elf and the Kobold both kind of just shrugged, and turned back to their bickering. Content in her mild deception, Oprim turned back to her studying of the subway map. According to its detailed instructions (written in Common and Koboldi!). It seemed she was less than a stop away from her destination. 


Ah, maybe I should get up…” She thought to herself, standing up to her full height. Her small spines poked out of her long blonde hair and fell back down as she relaxed. She grabbed her large gym bag and went to stand by the traincar exit, sighing quietly. It had been a few weeks since she’d moved to Bay City, and Oprim had given herself a few goals for the first month. She wanted to start going for runs around her neighborhood, but after an older Kikimora woman and her husband politely called the dragon chubby during their apparently “customary for new tenants” surprise dinner party, She’d resolved to find a gym close to her. That was, of course, after a few nights of contemplation, sat in front of her collection of horror DVDs and telling herself she was going to do it. She was certain the little European house spirit hadn't meant anything by it as she shuffled about the kitchen. 


"Ah! You look like one who carries a child! Did you not say you were alone?" The thought of the remark brought a blush to Oprim's pale cheeks, thankfully concealed by her long blonde hair.


The sound of the train braking as it screeched into the station shook her from her silent recollection. “West End Street. This is West End Street Station.” Spoke the train conductor in a rather charming deep voice. Oprim wondered if they hired people with certain vocal magicks for jobs like this, or if it was coincidence. She had heard that Bay City employed vocal magic practitioners able to project their voices in the listener’s primary language. People of various shapes and sizes filed out of the cars’ various doors in a rush, and Oprim shivered a bit as the late Autumn air caressed her bare, scaly legs. The rather large dragonkin had just started out of the doors when she nearly tripped over what appeared to be a common house cat and it looked up at her and let out a hiss, stepping over her large, clawed feet.


“I’m so sorry, kitty! I didn’t see you don’t there.” She apologized, kneeling down as close as she could to the cat’s height. It was a large, fluffy gray cat with whiskers that looked like they were caught in an egg beater and twisted about. 


"How did a puss like you get on the train,  huh?" Oprim beamed at the feline, pleasantly surprised to see it on the bustling platform. 


“Think me a mere cat, do you? Purrrrrhaps one as large as you could be a bit more observant for “kitties”, yes?” Oprim could do nothing else but nod at the cat as it turned its nose up, which brought it face to face with the much larger dragonkin. 


"I'll be more careful!" Oprim piped up, almost dutifully.


"Rightfully so!" The feline chirped, narrowly avoiding a goblin sprinting for the train before the doors closed. The train dinged as it began to leave the station, grabbing Oprim's attention briefly. As she turned back to her current situation, she found the cat had begun walking away, gracefully hopping onto the railing on the outside of the train platform overlooking the street below, the little backpack sitting upon it jingling as it moved precariously along.


"Even the cats are in a rush here, huh?" The pale woman said to herself, quietly. She got back up from her squatting position and started on her way to the gym.


A few rather chilly blocks down and a few moments later, Oprim had reached the location she was looking for. Positioned perfectly next to a strange brownstone that looked more like a family home than a shop, with a large, gaudy awning that read “Akikaze Magicks”, Oprim peered upwards at the incandescent sign, which obviously illuminated itself at night. 


DEZZ’HAI’s DOJO”, The sign seemed to scream at her. Something about the combination of the completely unchanged Impact font used for a sign with lights felt oddly aggressive, and somehow inept. The building looked older than the rest on the block, with the exception of the strange magic shop next door. It was two or three stories tall, a normal reddish-brown brick building with decades of wear and tear on the exterior. It was unclear exactly how many stories it was because on top of the sign were the normal row of windows, but above that was about ten or fifteen feet of just solid brick wall. Oprim was certain that wasn’t how buildings were constructed, but perhaps Bay City had some kind of weird zoning laws.


Shivering one last time at the seeming blast of cold air from between the tall buildings on West End Street, Oprim passed through the glass doors, one of many for various demi-human sizes, and held it open for a fairy who had called out to her as she moved, she sighed in relief as her body was gently embraced with the warm, temperature controlled air of the gym lobby.


"HI! Welcome to the Dojo of DESTRUCTION!" An Orc woman popped out of seemingly nowhere, catching the already jittery Oprim by surprise. She was about half a foot-taller than the Dragonkin, and more built by any measure. Broad shoulders, like those of a minotaur protector, toned leg muscles barely concealed beneath tight exercise shorts, and a solid core that would’ve made Oprim grab her own stomach pudge in shame were she not so shocked were on full display.


"Eek!" The jumpy dragonkin felt her soft body tense up, years of training kick-starting her forgetful muscle memory like a centaur hoof to a ragged old engine. Oprim yanked the arm of the Orc and pulled her close, her opponent squished right up against her chest, following the maneuver to disarm, and only stopping when the gym trainer’s clipboard clattered to the floor, echoing loudly in the nearly empty lobby.


“Er… Miss!?”


“Ah… wait. I’m so, so sorry!” Oprim’s pale face flushed a bright red as she released the woman and quickly knelt down to pick up the Orc’s clipboard and, unsure of what to do in her panic, held it out towards her, trying to seem as non-threatening as possible. After a moment of regaining her composure, The dragonkin’s mistaken assailant stared into Oprim’s bright, golden eyes.


And smiled.


“You’ve got to be here for the MMA course! Are you a veteran!? That was a military-style disarming grab! I’d know it anywhere! I’ve been looking for someone like you!” The Orc was all smiles, practically beaming, sharp canines flashing.


“Nothing like that, no!” Oprim waved her scaly hands dismissively. “I was recommended this gym, so I decided to pay it a visit. And besides… it’s been a while…” 


In truth, Oprim had only been home for a few months. Bad habits quickly took over when she wasn’t forced to wake up at five in the morning, run drills, and stand guard. Most prescient, however, were the remarks by a fellow Dragonkin she was often stationed to guard with. 


Oprim distinctly recalled her saying “When we’re not in the military, how’re you going to stay in shape?” And genuinely not having an answer. Normally right on top of things, Oprim just shrugged. Being one of the only dragons capable of producing dragonsbreath composed entirely of holy water, Oprim often had a great way of burning calories. What purpose did she have to bathe the average pedestrian in pressurized holy energy?


The Orc woman, seemingly unphased by Oprim spacing out, grabbed her attention once more.


"Well, if you're just here to try things out, we have a normal gym through this door! I'd be happy to get you started. We’re even doing a free trial program for newbies!” The Orcish woman seemed to have lost some of her previous pep, but still seemed excited to see her.


“Oh! I don’t see why not, then.” the ever-positive dragonkin replied, revealing a sharp-toothed smile.


The orc woman walked to the left of the reception desk, beyond which lay a clear glass door leading into what looked like a room full of exercise equipment. Oprim peered over to the right briefly. 


“The MMA course, huh?” 


“Oh, so you are interested, then?”


Oprim shook her head, opting not to say anything that could be taken as a “Yes! As soon as…” Knowing this Orc, she’d absolutely hold the dragonkin to it.


“And here’s the main gym!” The Orcish woman spoke, widening her arms as if to welcome Oprim. “And I’ll need your ID to register you as a member."


Producing her ID, the Dragonkin was surprised to see how quickly the Orc woman processed everything. 


"I'm Dezz'Hai, bee-tee-dubs!" This is my Dojo, you know? Just ask me if you need anything." Oprim nodded at the Orc's admittedly cute introduction, and turned to the gym. It was a medium-sized open area filled with equipment. Directly in front of her were various machines made for working out the legs. At the far end of the first row was a single thin-looking Drow, pedaling away exhaustedly on an exercise bike. 


“It’s not very common, is it, ma’am?” Oprim began, peering over at the elf, who seemed to be in a world of his own, headphones dangling from his long, pointed ears. Sweat rolled down the sides of his face, sharp features beneath a somber, determined expression. His dark purplish skin stood in stark contrast to the yellowish glow of the dim, humming incandescent lights above. 


“What isn’t very common?” Dezz’Hai responded, following Oprim’s gaze towards the Drow.


“To see a Svartalf.” Oprim replied. I reckon there’s not a dank, dark underforest near this city, right?”


“Svartalf? Is that another dialect?”


“Yes, ma’am!” Oprim had picked up many words for things while deployed abroad. Her accent being distinct to the southern part of the continent as it was, it managed to shine through despite the language she was speaking.


“Ah, yeah. I figured! I’ve never heard it before. Is it Dalish?”


“To be quite honest with you,” the Dragonkin began, putting her gym bag on the floor next to the cycling machine and scratching the side of her head in a comical manner. “I don’t remember…” She kind of trailed off.


“O-Oh!” The reply seemed to have shaken the Orcish woman’s cheery demeanor for a moment. She was quickly all smiles again, though clearly a little confused by Oprim’s sudden airheaded dismissal.


“Well, I’ll leave you to it, then! Feel free to call for me if you need anything!" Dezz'Hai said, giving Oprim a little salute.


"No need for that, ma'am…" Oprim blushed a bit at the show of reverence. By no means was the dragonkin ashamed of her service, but given that she wasn't exactly raiding enemy encampments or engaging hordes of foes in combat, she didn't feel like she had earned the respect.


"Especially since it doesn't seem like she's served in a while." Spoke a voice from behind the dragonkin and orc. 


The Drow, or Svartalf, had gotten off the exercise bike and was clearly holding back exhausted panting. He tried his best to look a little smug, but it was very clear he didn't have the stamina for it. Oprim gazed at him curiously, tilting her head in a manner similar to a dog until-


“Oh! Oh. Well, it hasn’t been that long, mister…” She replied, realizing a few seconds later what he meant.


“Oh, that’s Yuta. Forgive him his angst, I think it just comes with the territory.” Dezz’Hai replied, shaking her head. “He can just be like that, sometimes.”


"The territory?"


"Yeah, Drow are just like that. Brooding. Kind of rude. Truth be told, he's never been mean to me."


"I'm right here, you know!" Yuta had pulled off his hood and revealed shoulder length white hair tied into a bun underneath. His headphones fell out of his pointed ears and dangled against his chest, hanging out of his hoodie. He seemed completely disarmed once the orcish woman had his number. A slight red tone could be seen on his dark, purplish skin


"See what I mean, Miss Dragon?" Dezz'Hai chuckled. "He's harmless. Don't let him bother you."


“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Mister Yuta! I’m Oprim!” Oprim held out a scaled, clawed hand in a gesture of good will to the Elf. He reluctantly took it, glancing at Dezz’hai briefly as he did.


“Yuta. Wait - you knew that.” 


“I sure did! I don’t mind you saying it again, though.” Oprim flashed a soft smile. What she was interpreting as the Drow’s attempt to appear aloof was actually him not being particularly good with meeting new people.


The pair’s newly formed acquaintanceship was interrupted by a loud crash from upstairs. Several bangs rang out from the ceiling above the trio with seemingly no rhyme or reason, causing the Elf to look up, annoyed. The Orc sighed loudly.


“Dezz, it’s happening again. Want me to check it out?” Yuta asked, cracking his knuckles.


“Yeah, go ahead. I’ll be there in a sec. I hope we don’t have to get dirty like last time.” Dezz replied.


“And you, Miss Oprim! Just get started on the treadmill for warmups! I can help you figure out the best workout course for your personal needs in just a moment! We’ll have you as fit as you were in the military!” The Orc gave the Dragonkin her best service smile before helping Oprim to a treadmill and hurrying away after Yuta, who had already walked out of the door back into the lobby.


Oprim’s large reptilian feet slammed against the treadmill rhythmically, a piece of exercise equipment clearly made for Greater-sized demihumans, which held up perfectly against her strong legs. She was soon in the flow with her running, doing her best to ignore the noises from upstairs. Her headphones in one ear, she was surprised to hear what sounded like Dezz’Hai from the other side of the wall of well-kept mirrors in front of her.


“Need you guys to clear out again.” She said, a bit reluctantly.


“It’s back, isn’t it? Why didn’t you hire that fox woman next door?” Proposed another voice.


“She’s a fuckin’ extortionist is why! She wants to expand her shop to my second floor!”


“Look, We pay good money to practice our Mixed Magical Martial Arts here!” 


“Then why don’t you use your little Wandkata against our friend upstairs!?”

“Our martial prowess is only used for-”


“Self-defense. Yeah. If you go up there, You’ll definitely be under some kind of attack. Just hit the bricks for about an hour.” Dezz sounded serious. Oprim, deciding it was none of her business, continued running. The sounds of several upset muscle wizards filing into the lobby could be heard on the other side of the windowed exit.


“Ah, Yuta. Can you convince her to just hire the hag next doo-” The same displeased male voice echoed through the now extremely populated lobby.


“She probably heard you call her a hag. Don’t be surprised if you wake up with your mouth zipped shut or something.” Yuta responded, and beyond her own loud stomps, Oprim could hear Yuta walk into the room on the other side of the mirror. Her tail began to sway to and fro in interest. The lizard-woman silently thanked the terrible acoustics in the building.


“Alright, Yuta, the usual ward.” Dezz’hai spoke with a commanding tone. It reminded Oprim of her superiors back when she was deployed. It almost made her stand at attention. The dragon cursed her military training and stopped her hands, which was poised to start tracing signs in the air.


“You gonna jump into my arms when that thing comes down again, Dezz?” Yuta chuckled. His gloomy demeanor from earlier seemed to have faded.


“You talk a lot of trash for a guy who almost got folded like a napkin.” She replied.


“Hey, it’s how I cope.”


The low hum of defensive magic filled the building. The mirrors rattled a bit, and unintelligible muttering could just barely be heard on the other side. 


Dark magic…” Oprim thought to herself. “That, or old-school chanting. Either way, this Yuta guy has to be the kind of person who spends all day learning stuff from the internet.” Despite not being particularly adept at magic, She could probably cast a more efficient ward.


“I’m opening the door, Yu.”


“Go ahead.”


“Did you send the wizards home, dude?” Dezz asked, and Oprim could hear a series of loud, rusty locks and chains jostling.


For a moment, the Dragonkin stopped running, sweat glistening in her arms and chest and catching in the dim incandescent bulbs above. Somehow, just hearing conversation a room away was making her tense up, too. Oprim recalled a day just like this patrolling the swamps, and quickly shook her head of the notion.


“Nah, I didn’t. They wouldn’t leave even if I told them to.”


“Those guys really aren’t shit, huh?”


“It’s what happens when you take up magic after a decade doing nothing but browsing the bodybuilding forums.” Yuta said jokingly, though his voice was shaky.


The terrible feeling in the air was becoming quite clear. Oprim shivered a bit, and the lightbulbs hanging above her shook on their thin wires. The sound of something hard smacking against the ground resounded through the gym. The practice room began to rumble as the source of the noise seemed to proceed down the stairs. The Wizards chattering in the lobby quieted down as the steps grew louder. One of them, a large, musclebound man with a white beard, walked into the exercise room. He walked over to Oprim, who was staring intently at the mirror, completely spaced out. 


“Hey, miss, you’re gonna wanna get out of here?”


“HUH?” Oprim jumped and almost swung her broad tail at the man, who took a few steps back.


“Whoa, whoa. I was just getting ready to get the boys and head out. I thought you’d wanna know it’s gonna get kinda rough.”


“Hey, you! I thought we told you to leave my second floor!” Dezz yelled from the other room.


“Can’t be rougher than one of the swamps down south. I’ll take my chances, sir!” Oprim responded, regaining her composure.


“Uh, alright, then…” The Wizard hurriedly headed for the exit. Oprim, feeling a little self conscious of her love handles, which were extremely visible against the fabric of her shirt clinging to her skin, grabbed her workout towel and held it at waist-level.


“I’ll be damned if I’m going to lose to an Orc again!” a booming voice shook the walls.


“Dude, the owner told me you’d go away if we beat you!” Dezz responded, definitely not happy.


“You cheated. I want a fair goddamn fight. Put me in the ring against that little Drow there.”


“You’d snap him in half. How is that fair?”


“Hey! Dezz, I could probably… well, nah, you’re right.” Yuta spoke up. 


“What about one of those musclebound losers I hear grunting down here day in and day out!?” The booming voice spoke up. In an instant, Oprim could hear several sets of footsteps, followed by the bell that rang whenever you opened the front doors to the gym ringing repeatedly. She chuckled to herself, wiping the dripping sweat from her forehead with the tower and walking into the now empty lobby.


“They’re gone.”


“Well, I’m not going to face a cheater again.”


And then, an idea. Oprim, curious as ever, walked over to the door on the right after moving into the lobby. The anticipation of identifying whatever creature could be demanding combat with an Orcish bodybuilder was just too much for her. The entrance to the training room didn’t have a window on it, so Oprim wrapped her clawed hands around the doorknob and opened it in one quick movement.


“Ah! Miss Oprim! There’s no reason for you to be here! You can go back to the treadmills! Or… Maybe you should switch to lat pulldowns?” Dezz’Hai seemed shocked to see the half-dragon standing in the doorway. 


“Well, I was curious, and wanted to see what had scared away all those wizards…” Oprim placed her index finger to chin innocently. Her golden eyes quickly met with the subject of the muscle wizards’ fear and consternation. 


Across the room stood a massive skeletal Undead. Around his ivory-white neck hung several medals, all gold, though tarnished by age and lack of care. Dezz’Hai, easily six-foot-four, was looking up at the collection of massive bones. He could’ve easily been made from a minotaur’s skeleton, let alone any kind of man. But there he stood, normal, but massive footbones, tattered boxing shorts rested on narrow hipbones, tied as tightly as possible with the drawstrings hanging out of the front. Within the interloper’s sunken eye sockets were two pale blue ghostlights the creature clearly used for vision. His gaze shifted to Oprim, who stared at him with genuine curiosity.


“Oh, hello. You must be the cause of all the noise, huh?” She asked, tilting her head a little. 


“So you did bring a new challenger!” The Undead piped up, pointing his bony (lol) finger at Oprim.


“No, no, she’s a goddamn gym patron.”


“I say she’s eligible! She’s a little bit meaty for my tastes, but I’ll take her on just the same.” The skeletal man laughed, his bones rattling loudly in place of any kind of exhalation of oxygen.


“Hey! Look here, sir.” Oprim’s voice lowered a bit. “I may be a bit out of shape, but that’s just me adjusting to things.”


“Ooh, I’m so sorry, Miss…?”


“Oprim. That’s Oprim to you, you bag of bones!” The extremely polite lizardkin had a red flush to her cheeks. It seemed calling her “meaty” was all it took.


“Bones, eh? Oh, it seems I haven’t put on my Sunday best.” With that, the towering living skeleton punched his fists together, the worn boxing gloves letting out a dull thud. He began to glow a sickly green, and his body started to… fill out? It was the closest comparison Oprim could come to. It had reminded her of how quickly her chest had grown over the summer of her eleventh year. She chuckled to herself quietly, before gazing upon the true form of the golem. Yuta and Dezz’Hai had taken several steps back. The windows on the far side of the practice room rattled violently, and for a moment, it seemed they’d shatter. Holding steady, it was clear they were built with this creature in mind.


“You moron! I’m definitely going to find a way to banish you this time!” Dezz’Hai yelled, fighting against the sudden strong winds swirling around the undead combatant.


“Dezz… We could just pay for it.” Yuta replied, quieter due to his proximity.


“Not a chance! I’d be losing all the money I saved buying this place in the first place!”


“Look, I love you, but you can’t keep skimping on the damn exorcist! There’s one next door, for the love of The Goddess!”


“You what!?”


Before Yuta could think of a clever cover-up for his verbal blunder, he was interrupted by the ear-splitting yell of the undead flesh golem standing in front of the trio. Muscles that looked more like uncooked beef rippled as if someone slapped a bowl of gelatin, pulsing outward from the joints as he flexed.


“And you two… fight this guy all the time?” Oprim sounded a bit nervous as she sized up her would-be opponent. Yuta and Dezz’hai looked back at her and nodded silently. It would seem it was the best they could do to banish him back up the stairs from time-to-time.


“Yeah, except the Orc cheated last time!” The golem spoke up, two glowing orbs in place of eyes directed right at Dezz’hai.


“I knocked you on your ass! You’re just a sore loser.”


“Well, we’ll see. You’ll have your chance when I’m done knocking over this fat lizard.” He chuckled in response. “Anyhow, onto bigger things. Literally!” He laughed maniacally at his rude pun. 


“What’s with that look? Think I won’t show you the boss of this gym?”


And it was the last laugh he’d let out.


In an instant, Oprim was upon him, the spines lining the top of her blonde head to the tip of her tail standing on end. Scaled hands and claws wrapped around the frighteningly tall undead abomination and squeezed at the back of his knees, buckling his legs, lifting him up for a split second and bringing him down with a massive thud below his chubby opponent. The dragonkin brought her large, reptilian foot down where a normal humanoid’s solar plexus would be, releasing a disgusting squelching sound where she made impact. The golem, rather than look pained, had a blank expression of sheer surprise at what had just occurred.


“Quickly! What is his name?” Oprim yelled out to the Dezz’Hai and Yuta. the pair had gone from onlookers to absolutely flabbergasted. 


“That’s morote gari!” The Orc yelled out, excitedly. She could barely contain her surprise and nearly leapt up upon fully analyzing the situation. The golem struggled to move itself from under Oprim’s powerful legs, and she glared at him. 


“Onto bigger things, right?” There was almost a pleased look on her face as she taunted her opponent. She had excelled at hand-to-hand training while deployed, though rarely had a chance to use it outside of sparring. Allied camps were rarely, if ever breached during the campaign, so Oprim had spent a large amount of time holding bases, and not much else, aside from the occasional skirmish. 


She became known as a terror during sparring matches due to the amount of steam she’d let off. She wasn’t even remotely warlike in nature, but the expression of physical prowess against anyone, friend or foe, left Oprim visibly excited. Her pale face flushed a vivid red and her spines stood at attention atop her head and back. The glint in her golden eyes made Yuta take a step back.


“What in the- another cheater, eh!?” The golem practically spat from the ground beneath Oprim’s claws. 


“Not a chance! There’s absolutely no excuse that could explain the position you’re in right now.” Dezz’Hai replied tauntingly. Yuta nodded quietly, still a bit threatened by Oprim’s sudden show of dominance.


“A-alright! Look. I’ll call it a draw for now! Just don’t bring back the scaly meatbal-”


Golden steam began to billow from the corners of Oprim’s mouth, flowing unevenly between the airheaded Dragonkin’s sharp, gritted teeth. A low growl emanated from within.


The golem began panicking, trying to shift a little to the right and left.


“Whoa, Whoa, Miss Oprim! I don’t have insurance for fire damage!” Dezz exclaimed, her look of excitement from the previous events replaced by worry. 


“I could probably extinguish it.” Yuta said quickly, but quieted down just as fast. It was clear Dezz’Hai the Orc would rather the gym not catch aflame rather than have it extinguished quickly.


It was growing clearer by the second, however, that the gym was headed towards a worst-case scenario. The mist rising from Oprim’s mouth grew thicker. Golden smoke was odd enough, but the fact that it sparkled a bit in the dim incandescent light of the gym’s training room was an even stranger case.


“Y-you mentioned you were from the swamp, right?” Yuta stammered at the dragonkin, who glanced at him for just a second, sweat dripping down her body. She nodded, and returned her focus to her opponent, eye sockets filled with ghost-lights glaring up at her from below, with a sort of indignance one untrained in magic likely wouldn’t be able to detect.


“Do you… breathe poison?”


“She probably breathes gravy or something!” Called out the golem, getting one last chuckle. Always the type to get the last hit, even if it cost him the match.


Oprim’s normally kind eyes thinned at the remark. 


“Think I can’t handle some fire, dragon? I like it hot.”


I’m trying to lose the weight! First that nice old lady, and now this guy. Undead champion or not. You look like a lump of uncooked hamburger. But I won’t say that out loud, will I? It’s called common decency.” Oprim’s thoughts ran a mile a minute.


She had been trying to hold back the heat that built up in her belly since the golem had first insulted her. Her hair rose on end and she bared her teeth. The ghostlights seemed to retreat further back into the undead pugilist’s skull as Oprim opened her mouth. Wisps of golden steam billowed out like a snowy mist at the base of an avalanche, engulfing her opponent and the rest of the room. Yuta and Dezz’Hai retreated to the cheap wooden door. The Orc nudged at her Drow companion to place a ward as they found themselves peering at the scene from behind a ajar dojo entrance.


The golden light filled the room, a radiance previously unseen within Dezz’Hai’s Dojo until this point. Perhaps one of the muscle wizards doing wandkata had shot some bright sparks during a training match, but this was on an entirely different level. The Orc was sure that even with the light of the sun sinking behind the buildings outside, this was noticeable to any onlookers beyond the gym.


Yuta, the more frail of the two, protected his face with his hands, muttering behind them to reinforce his ward, hoping none of the mist could escape. Dezz put her strong, calloused hands on his back, rubbing it gently. His purplish skin had a small bit of red at his companion’s gesture.


The pervading mist slowly cleared out of the small training room. When Yuta had finished blowing the remnants of the glittery, golden mist out of the area, the pair saw Oprim, who was just standing in the middle of the room, hands on her knees, breathing heavily. Beneath her clawed feet was a pile of ashes that had once been the Undead Champion, bane of Dezz’Hai’s dojo.



“Miss Oprim! Are you alright?” Dezz ran over to her newest patron, who had opened the water bottle she had never put down by her feet and began chugging it like she’d just been through a desert trek.


“He…He’s gone.” Yuta said, two fingers held in the air to see if the signature magical vibrations associated with their pugilism-inclined interloper still reverberated. Detecting nothing of the sort, a smile crossed his face, a genuine one, uncommon compared to the normal worried or dour expressions he wore. 


“You evaporated him!” Dezz looked down at the dragonkin, who barely had enough energy to smile brightly back. A loud sizzle from Oprim’s mouth could be heard as she continued to down water from a gallon-sized bottle. 


"He's not dead… undead… don't exactly die? He'll be back." Oprim replied.


"Well, at least you didn't erase him from existence. What did you do, anyway?" Dezz'Hai asked, somewhat relieved.


“Turns out… Undead don’t react too well to holy water.”


“You breathe holy water? How’s that?”


“Long… huff… story.” Oprim began, still panting. “It burns a lot of calories, though.”


“Yeah, I can tell! Your gut is like, almost gone!”


“Oprim’s eyes widened at this. She peered down. Beyond her sweat-drenched exercise shirt, her stomach looked smaller than it had in months. Oprim’s tightly-pulled ponytail was loose, and stray hairs were facing every which-way, but it didn’t seem to bother her much. 


The training room looked completely spotless. It almost sparkled. The plumes of holy mist Oprim had shot out moments ago seemed to have completely cleansed the room. The mirrors and windows were spotless, as well.


“So… you were ex-military? Are you sure you weren’t some kind of heavy-duty exorcist?” Yuta chuckled, his smile still evident. 


“I mean… Do you have any other undead you want taken care of, sir?” Oprim seemed genuinely excited at the prospect. Her normal, airy demeanor had returned in a heartbeat.


“Uh… Not that I know of. But how about you keep coming to the gym, just in case?” Dezz’Hai asked, putting her powerful arm around Yuta’s bony shoulders. He blushed a deep crimson.


“You don’t even have to ask, miss!” 




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